Have you ever considered the effects instant gratification social media has on the way you live your life.?
The interesting thing for me, is it took me almost 10 years to realize my consistent need to have everything (instantly) right now affected my weight in a totally real way.
Starting from the time I was very young, I always felt the need to have everything everyone else had, the minute I realized they had it. The competition and comparison of myself to others, ( in my head) was horrific.
If someone else has something I wanted, I would have to get it to. I had to be like everyone else.
The problem with wanting to be like Everyone else, was I was different. I didn’t have the same family, I didn’t have the same parents, I didn’t have the same upbringing as those I saw around me. It was infuriating to know I wanted a different family (like 10 minutes ago) and I couldn’t change it.
So to hide myself away, to bury my feelings, the one thing which was instantly available, always there, and I could control or not control as the case was, was food. It was my go to “give it to me now” reliever and I never questioned my trusty instant relationship with food till recently.
So at this point, you’re probably asking what this has to do with social media.
Well, the seed of comparison and the instant gratification I learned from my previous relationship with food, started off a long time ago. However it has kept me wanting to have the most followers, the most friends, the most attention, to be the center of the spotlight, so that people see me.
The problem is no one is actually seeing the real me. It is this instant facade, which I allow people to see. It is the fake me, or maybe she is partially real. I just know, this instant person I show off, is not who I actually am.
The truth of me is hidden behind my desire to be seen on these social media platforms rather than in my real life. Where I could allow people to see the real me.
So I have continued 2 pile on the instant gratification of food and keep up this instant face, so no one knows about the me I’m hiding all the while.
The change which is happening now (as a process), as I write this, is I am beginning to feel less attached to the person I show others, and more concerned with who I show myself.
Learning to be the person who is not connected to what she has, but more about who she is. Remembering If I don’t have it I can live without it and finding instant peace in food is not how I want to live my life.
Instant gratification does not have to be my solution. I can find substance and peace in activities, like writing. I can turn off the Twitter and Facebook, to show the world who I am, rather than who I think they want to see!