What do I see, in the mirror staring back at me?
someone ready to give up
What lead me to this place?
A desire to let go too much and not doing it enough
Dying inside, feeling like bricks I keep beating my head against but never break
Hitting an internal wall, I did not know existed!
I am only human and I keep forgetting how big this higher power I have is
I keep forgetting to turn it over,
I keep thinking I have to do it all on my own
To struggle with myself, against myself
Not completely, but desperate to change
I am not a failure
But I sure seem to be ok with doing things half-ass right now
Anger builds toward myself
always taking the easy way – which seems to be the way of most resistance
For what is easy for me is avoidance
I avoid facing what is staring me in the face
my procrastination habits
my inability to say no
I am facing challenges of a whole new breed
Those which live within myself
I am not longer held back by the restraints of comfort
immersed in this learning experience of all types
I have lost perspective
lost my inner voice
lost my connection
catapulted into the emotional danger zone
one minute at a time does not come fast enough
and yes there is not enough hours in the day
wheels turning in place
I am great at doing it “all”
But when it all stops working
What am I left with?
The scared girl who misses home and all its comforts
Who’s trying to learn from the experience
But my best here is nothing like what it was in my comfort zone
Facing myself in the here and now, just got real.