3 months ago today, I jumped on the scale and saw a number which shattered everything I had even felt about myself. 310! It was devastating. I had spent years after high school (after hating what all the mean girls had to say about me!) working so hard to change how I felt about myself and how I lived in my body. And I felt like I was right back where I started 11 years previously.
If I totaled all the weight I have lost over the years it could easily be more than 500+lbs. I have lost 100, gained it all back and then some, lost 50 and gained it all back and the lost etc… and the cycle continues.
This time however, I knew I was in a bad place with everything in my life. Food, emotions, and self confidence. The great thing about this time was I knew what to do.
I had to enter the cave which has haunted me most of my life. The perpetual self-journey which has come and gone with the mass amounts of weight I have lost off and on my entire life. The cave which addresses the fear which comes with shedding the bulky exterior and being the person I deserve to be. It has not been easy, comfortable, or even welcomed at points over last 3 months but it has been very rewarding.
In the last 3 months while there are so many things I could write about accomplishing these are the 10 which means the most to me:
1) Lost 20 LBS!
2) Held full plank pose for 45 seconds
3) Hiked 8 miles (in 1 day)
4) Bought smaller pants
5) Started talking about why I fear losing the weight (which I will talk about on another day)
6) Shared my truth with those around me, about why this journey is important and why I need to do this for me
7) Started seeing my collar bone again (it’s been in hiding for a long time)
8) Made time to exercise 5 days a week, every week for 3 months
9) Can climb 3 flights of stairs at school without stopping or getting winded
10) Making time for myself, learning who I am right now in the journey and who I want to be once I get to where I want to be physically.
These 10 accomplishments have made the last 3 months super challenging and super rewarding. I know it is just the start of my journey to where I am going, but I have made a beginning, and this is what is necessary to go anywhere.