As I was walking on campus the other day, I saw carved into the stone path this Dorothy Allison quote
“If I could have found what I needed at thirteen, I would not have lost so much of my life chasing vindication and death. Give some child, some thirteen-year-old, the hope of the re-made life. Tell the truth. Write the story that you were always afraid to tell. I swear to you there is magic in it.”
I resonated with this saying in more ways than one.
I know myself well enough to know, if someone had told me at 13, I would live the story which would come to be my life by the time I turned 21, I never would have believed them. I would have continued on my path of self-hatred and self-abuse possibly longer because someone had “warned” me and I needed to prove them wrong. The rebellion and stubbornness which resided in me at 13 was much more than any one persons story or experience could have helped.
However, I know there are children who are not nearly as stubborn as I was and who would benefit from the life I have lived, finally being told. While I am mortified to share all the parts of my life, I know there is benefit to be had by sharing it. So I commit to myself to share the darkness a little more, so someone else might have a little light.